If I were to be completely honest, this is not easy. It is much harder staying home. I loved my job and was good at it. When I came home I got quality time with my kids and we had fun. But, now that I am home, every moment of every day is training/guidance/help/nurturing/caring for their needs/cheerleading/housecleaning/meal preparation. I am exhausted! :) I am hard on myself - self driven - I compete only with what my mind has as the ideal and level of excellence. I do not look around at others and want to be them, that is not my struggle. I compare myself with what I want myself to be and get myself into a lot of trouble and anguish of heart. I can't live up to who I want to be - because I ultimately want to be conformed into the image of Christ (Romans 8:29). So, I do what Paul tells me to do, "I press on towards the goal of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus". That I can and will do - press on. I will keep learning and growing and asking others and reading blogs & books - all so that I can do what God has called me to do, better. I am not unrealistic, just driven. I am a goal oriented person and compete against myself - so while I shared that that can be a bad thing in my life, it is also an amazingly positive thing in my life. My goal is the call of God in Christ Jesus. I will forget what lies behind (all my successes and failures of homemaking and homeschooling) and I will press into the Lord and press on another year!
I am working on organizing my home this month.
When I moved into my home, I was 37 weeks pregnant and I did not spend the time then to organize it and get any system set up. We have been in survival mode for the past year and a half - 3 kids ages 5 & younger will do that to you. My dear friend helped me organize my kitchen. My other dear friend has been helping me organize my play/homeschool room. I am working on my laundry room right now and just bought all the gear to build a stacking laundry sorter (pictures to come one day). I want to be able to have my home organized and running smoothly so that in an instant I know where the flashlight is, where the cottonballs and peroxide were put, know where I can find a permanent marker or tape, etc. So, I have had to bite the bullet and spend some money on organization equipment. I am a cheapskate but I have to admit the function and ease of locating items is making up for the dollar signs I initially saw.
My husband and I have decided to homeschool our son who is starting Kindergarten.
This was a hard decision for me. I have had some health problems recently that made me take a more serious and prayerful approach to this decision. I attended a Christian homeschool conference a few weeks ago & I was able to handle the curriculum's and see what they consisted of. I asked my homeschooling friends a million questions. But really, when Chad and I stopped and prayed about our life and where we are at with his job & ministry and where I am at with 3 young children and some health issues, the decision was clear - we will homeschool. So, being the researcher I am, I asked my friend who is a teacher to list everything she recommended for me. I love information. I love to gather and then sort through information and apply what I feel is right for our family. We decided on a curriculum and I am getting the homeschool room ready. We found a desk for free and we are fixing it up. Things are coming together!
I found out from the Dr today that the cause of my fatigue this past month was due to a Vitamin D deficiency. Oh, and I also found out that I have high cholesterol.
Easy remedy - take Vitamin D. The blow came from the news that I have high cholesterol. I don't know why, but it made me so sad to hear that I was unhealthy. I am only 31. But, I will take this as an opportunity to fine tune my diet, remove any high fat foods (which unfortunately means my daily whole milk iced coffee, boo!), and then after 6 months I will go see how I am doing.
My week has been filled with highs and lows. Maturity in some areas and areas that have been revealed that need more growth.
What I do know is this, I am blessed right where I am at and I take all this as encouragement to be more conformed into the image of Christ (Rom 8:29).
Just thought I would be revealing of what is in my heart today.
You have such a strong and inspiring faith. I find it reassuring to hear that you discuss things with your husband and then, that you both pray about it to find the answer that seems to be the best for your family. I am sorry to hear you have had some health issues and am glad to hear you have answers and that those answer are not serious. I also admire that you took time to post such an honest, genuine post about what life is really like.
ReplyDeleteLike you, I can be really hard on myself and I'm really driven also. Type A people like us can accomplish a lot and stay pretty on top of things but, we beat ourselves up too much also. I understand what you mean about wanting to get your home organized. You'll get it done and then you'll feel so much better! In the meantime, go easy on yourself. You are doing a great job!
ReplyDeleteYou are doing an amazing job! Thank you for sharing:) We have alot in common ;)
ReplyDeleteI think we all struggle with feeling like we haven't met either our expectations or others' expectations for us. It sounds like to me you are doing a GREAT job, though! And it's very commendable that when you see you need to work on something, rather than worrying and worrying about it, you DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! You are an inspiration! You go, girl! ;) I said a prayer for you...
ReplyDeleteYes, it is harder to be at home than be at work - very little affirmation, no perfomance reviews and no raises. But you are doing great! And you are in the midst of the most busy times with your kids so young. It will get easier (physically) as they learn to care for themselves a bit more and help with chores. And you have lots of support within a great community of believers. God LOVES you! He is with you!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great blog. I found you on happy Go Lucky and I am now a follower. Stop by and say hello. http://www.thesexysinglemommy.com
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